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Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

Don't go there

Halloween 5 is just a whole bag of what the fuck. It starts out by retconning Jamie's murder of her foster mom as a dream. Except maybe it doesn't, because it's later referenced in passing that she attacked her mom. So it might just be a recurring nightmare. Who knows? She's no longer able to speak. It's not clear if this is just what happens to a Myers after they commit their first murder or if Michael has somehow psychically stolen her voice. But either way, she's in some kind of institution. Her friend is a seemingly sweet boy that stutters. So whatever institution she's at, it's the type you go to if you stutter or if you kill your foster mom. And also somehow Dr. Loomis seems to live there? With the children? And Jamie has developed the ability to see whatever Michael is seeing. Only she can't tell anyone what's happening, she has to write it down on an eraser board.

All of the teens are extraordinarily happy, like they're tripping on Molly the whole time. Rachel is murdered pretty early on to make room for the film to follow her 4 friends about whom no one could possibly give two shits. And there's a chase scene at the end where Jamie outruns a '67 Camero for what feels like 10 minutes.

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They start to explain the Thorn aspect a bit. Michael has a tattoo on his wrist of an ancient rune, the mark of a curse placed on him by the Cult of Thorn. And in the end the cult kidnaps Jamie.

It's not even like there are problems that could be fixed in this movie. It's a movie that just should have never been made. It starts bad & it gets worse. That's Halloween 5.

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